Yanny's Earthy Journal

movin' On!

2009-06-08T02:18:00.000+08:00

New blog, please relink.
dear mercyfallout will still be around but won't be updated. (:
www.onyourlove.blogspot.com
so cool lahhh, I have a guestbook, please leave comments there sanks! ^_^

2009-06-04T12:47:00.003+08:00

woke up with a bad feeling, but shall not elaborate more.
Realised that some people are good at some things, while others are not.
I'm not good at resisting, but I'm good at denying.
When u feel numb, everything comes easy also.
Do I really have the strength to do what I said I would??
I really wonder.. and fear.

In The Valley

2009-06-03T10:14:00.002+08:00

It is just like me to single-handedly wreck everything,
even what I had thought was the most blissful thing ever to happen to me.
So many times I have to mentally slap myself when the thought of going back in time seems so bloody tempting.
I slap and chide; God is still in control, I may regret till overflow but time will never turn back.

It is so selfish of me to want to be loved yet will not risk loving.
And I slap myself again.
I once read that by loving others, it's giving them the power to hurt me.
Have I been living by that statement ever since?
It's wrong.

I want to wake up from this bad dream.

Song For You.

2009-06-02T22:19:00.011+08:00

就请你给我
多一点点时间
再多一点点问候
不要一切都带走 .

***

Heard this song at Toast Box just now, very nice. Says something so important in such a simple and straightforward manner for me. I enjoyed myself, had great fellowship, but perhaps not such a good DS. But I'm sure we all went away learning something. (:
and God held my hand the whole way today.

***

I want to play Taboo with phee and "I take knife, push you in lift" DGG someday. (:

***

*edited*
I just learnt something, it really gave me direction. (:

Accepting a person is not the same thing as approving all of one's behaviour. Nor is acceptance the same as tolerance. Someone may tolerate me - may put up with my existence and even my faults - but there's no healing in that. This is part of the reason why Jesus was such a magnet for people. He genuinely like them.

Acceptance is an act of the heart. To accept someone is to affirm to them that you think it's a very good thing that they are alive. We communicate this in a hundred ways, but the most powerful way is to listen with patience and compassion as they reveal their deep secrets.

- John Ortberg

***

I've made mistakes and learnt this the hard way, but only through mistakes do we really get to learn. Thank you God for everything, and I really mean everything, in my life.

2009-06-01T17:21:00.000+08:00

I guess now, it's not hard to see what I should do.

Praying For Directions

2009-06-01T10:03:00.004+08:00

me, lays, wu chong at the super-sci-fi-everywhere-is-touch-screens-and-3D fusionopolis wahaha, robin is helping us to take this photo. we were wearing super 3D glasses dat costs bout $190+ each and were watching 3D movie trailers, cool but dizzy.

Yan the Tourist.

***

Prayers needed;
I am confused and I am lost.
But this time I feel God's presence right by me - really as if I'm falling into healing hands. And it's possibly the only thing keeping me calm and breathing.
I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do,
and it's hard to do what I should do.

Todayy.

2009-05-20T22:46:00.002+08:00

opened my firefox to be blown away (in a bad way) by this.
okay, by doing this to my homepage, advert has just succeeded in making me twitch in irritation and appallation.
but I still won't say advert is evil.
many other things are.
*grumbles*

on to better things ahahaha.
watch The Young Victoria on my own just now.
was chatting with shun bout me watching alone again;
sent so many smses but nobuddy could watch with me *sigh*, oh wells, I think if I had gone with someone else, I wouldn't enjoy it as much cus I know many of the ppl I asked won't really like it. and I wouldn't be able to bear the critics or even having to exhaust myself defending it. /:
but nice and sweet show! I see it as propaganda, but one dat I very willingly swallow down. (:

Tired but Happy Time! #2

2009-05-17T17:23:00.002+08:00

At wanling's 21st bday party chalet on friday. Girl power! :D

Me & Jas with our hardwork. had fun and put in much effort together with huimin & jos3 haha! can't believe right after block end I had to do craftwork.. but it was fun :D

***

Cafe duty today!
And hello, my name is Estella Nasi Lemak. hehehe!
Tho the nasi was like porridge, I think I had fun and learnt alot from the cafe ppl yet again, esp my shifu of the day, jingwei. I think the cafe-ers are a very tough, practical yet welfare-ish group of talented cooks. (: I helped do many things today! *beams* but my fave was sweeping the floor and washing the toilets wahahaha! d:

So close.

2009-05-15T10:12:00.003+08:00

I love my new blog song very, very much. I

t is becoming a heart song and I wana share it with everyone. (:

Hillsong - In Your Hands

I'm so secure, You're here with me

You stay the same, Your love remains here in my heart

So close I believe, You're holding me now

In Your Hands I belong, You'll never let me go

So close I believe You're holding me now

In Your Hands I belong, You'll never let me go

You gave your life

In Your endless love

You set me free

And showed the way

Now I am found

All along, You were beside me

Even when I couldn't tell

Through the years, You showed me more of You

more of You

arc family!

2009-05-15T09:35:00.003+08:00

BLOCK END YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS AH! *prances* haven blogged much this block, so decided to make it up by posting some photos kop-ed from facebook hiakhiaks. jos3 & mel's bday gathering dinner at semb sc. (:

arc shooting family! ^_^

kids dat never grow up, we were playing at the water playground area after dinner. hehees d:

Oh I love this shot! jos3 looks like she's having fun hehehe :D

me & jose3 ^_^

So thankful dat I have friends, good and caring ones somemore, it's really a blessing! (:

Bored

2009-05-12T14:19:00.002+08:00

Getting restless in the library.. T_T
Trying to advertise an airline with salmon is a skill, I'll have you know.
*mumbles grumbles*

half-done!

2009-05-12T12:30:00.004+08:00

I wana give God my praise and thanks for what He did for me as I pulled through the submission for my Brand Building module. I went to bed late last night, irritated and peeved. I hate knowing that I will not have enough sleep the next day because of last minute things not in my plan. Also, I was fuming and actually furious inside and I could not help rattling off to God, complaining and carping, feeling utterly taken for granted. It happened a few times, I had to stop talking and just breathe in and out deeply. When I was calmer, I prayed for other things like peace, patience and strength for the next day. I know I'll be crap if I let myself go to slp with the anger and frustration.

When I woke up this morning, I was so surprised to feel energetic despite having to wake earlier than usual. Also, I din have to pack my own sandwich cus my mum did it (only cus my brudder woke up at the same time too). So I was able to get to school earlier to prepare for my presentation, supposedly. But my grp mates werent there so no practice. I was praying so hard for favour 'cause though there's indiv marks, there's a group score also. Desmond was dozing off during our ppt but amazingly, he commented dat it was 'succinct' and well done. GAHH I was so darn relieved! Thank God thank God thank God. (:

I don't wana blame anyone for my frustration. will just say that I'm a perfectionist and that I really put in my best to strive for a good grade. It's not like everyone can understand and meet my standards just like dat. But I'll go so far as to say that I was really disappointed in the obvious lack of effort.

Still, I came out of this praising God,
and there is nothing more fulfilling!
Now, grace and hardwork for Ad Cam.

((:

holding on

2009-05-08T16:56:00.005+08:00

I just saw something that really struck me. Confused me a little and kind of rendered the piled-up strength inside useless. But its as plain as black and white and I think I understood it quite clearly. Why am I always going around in circles.

Trust;
it's really tough.
When you're called to believe in something you've never seen nor experience before. It's having faith in someone or something, having faith that what they say is really what they are. When it's out of your comfort zone and imagination; you struggle to believe because you've never met something like that before. But you also take the step of trust and have faith.

"Why be sad when you can be happy."
Usually I say this easily because I feel happy and unconquerable at that moment.
But now I say it still,
even though there is a part despairing.
Choices, choices.

Queer Dreams

2009-05-06T09:24:00.002+08:00

guess what...

I dreamt of shun sitting at church cafe.

well dats normal enuff rightttt, except for what he was wearing:

JC UNIFORM.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

worse, the colour of the uniform is like tampines JC + Serangoon JC.

xD hahahahahahahahaha~

And I dreamt of someone unexpected... mayer from 4e1/4e2?? S:

I saw him as a lower sec boy, so darn weird!

he is not even really my friend, just an acqaintance.

dreammmmm, dreams dreams dreams~

你听得到.

2009-05-04T17:05:00.005+08:00

***

有谁能比我知道

你的温柔像羽毛

秘密躺在我怀抱

只有你能听得到

还有没有人知道

你的微笑像拥抱

多想藏着你的好

只有我看得到

站在屋顶只对风说

不想被左右

本来讨厌下雨的天空
直到听见有人说爱我

坐在电影院的二楼

看人群走过

怎么那一天的我们

都默默的微笑很久

我想我是太过依赖

在挂电话的刚才

坚持学单纯的小孩

静静看守这份爱

知道不能太依赖

怕你会把我宠坏

你的香味一直徘徊

我舍不得离开

***

Friend Most Thoughtful

2009-04-29T08:45:00.003+08:00

Oh I wana say I'm so super blessed to have jose as a goodgood friend!
Today she offered me a ride to school and I was able to sleep half an hr more and still reach school early! Not to mention not having to squeeze on the bus, holding my lappy with aching arms. ahhh~ *smiles* sank u jose! ^_^

Homesick.

2009-04-24T10:52:00.003+08:00

Was chatting with 1 of my almost-classmate (thanks to fail Add/Drop System) about WoW 2 days ago.
and now, I'm missing it. )':
It's really become like how many people around the world describes it in their newspaper articles - "I come home from my boring work, log on and I am suddenly a lvl 80 shapeshifting night elf druid fighting for the honour and pride of the Alliance, killing monsters and obediently collecting oats for poor old Blanchy."
I find myself missing the flying and soaring, herb-collecting, daily cooking, the pewpew and /dance, /smack, /poke, /wave, joining strangers on LFG, the random solo explorations I always took on whims, raiding and scaring myself to death at the same time.
Today is the 30th day of my WoW-break, about a month more before I might be able to go back. Maybe only.
/sigh! ( '-')

Oh Leeeeeeeeeeeelaaaaaaah-bell~

Just a School Girl.

2009-04-23T14:48:00.003+08:00

Working on TBS this block for my brand building strategies class, hence the picture hehee.
It's a happy picture, dats why I put it up. ^_^

I wana thank God for all the people who prayed for me, encouraged me, even called to ask about me. I mean, those people don't have to do dat, there's no obligation to be concerned about me nor are there any rewards (at least not immediate earthly ones). But its during these time, you see the love of people shine through naturally, and it's beautiful and happy! ^_^

Relying on God and meditating on the works of his hands gives me strength.
School is still tough, there are still giants to face and conquer, but with so much blessings and grace, I feel supported and really, not alone at all. (:

***

Just came back to class from fire drill exercise.
"an exercise, an exercise, an exercise," the voice on the telecomm repeated exactly 3 times, so weird. /:
wellllll, at least before we leave school, we can say we experienced it.
plus, it is a beautiful day out, bright clouds and blue sky!
wahahahaha d:

***

Life is about falling and failing,
Don't have to be afraid.
(remember that Failure is our friend right?)
But the more important part is
being willing and willing ourselves
to stand up and move on again.
(:

God's Grace

2009-04-20T22:18:00.003+08:00

"Denying the Flesh".

Does it sound like something easy?

No, really it doesn't.

we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. - 2 Corinthians 10:5

***

Have been deliberating whether to write this here or not.

I think I really need to before I explode or sumthing, or before I can move on properly.

I know you all care, and I am grateful that I have people who care and worry about me, I really am.

But I really just need to say that I feel cornered; like I can empathize perfectly with someone being ganged up on by others.

Just stop for a moment before you begin with "But it's cause we're worried for you!"

Yes YES I know, but that's just how I feel recieveing care from you guys in this way.

I just hate all the whisperings, the discussions behind my back, knowing that all you've got to say has been planned and angled tgt before it's set out before me. Right, so you guys all have a mutual understanding with each other so when will my human feelings count somewhere?

I abhor it.

Don't say I'm making this hard, the truth is that's the way you guys make me feel, I can't pretend anything.

I really feel so.

And I can say, quite certainly, that if not for Christ in my life, I wouldn't be here right now, typing this.

What can I say?

God didn't just save my soul from hell, He continously saves me everyday from everything in this life.

***

Growing Up

2009-04-16T21:56:00.007+08:00

Clare Abshire from Time Traveller's - recently, I'm oft reminded of her.
I remember there's this part where Henry was making a mental seperation of her growing up years and her changing ideals. I remember also that I thought Clare wasn't very strong - for losing grip on things that she had once been adamant about ("Noah's in the Bible.").

Yet, I'm in exactly the same spot as her I guess. It's around this time that she left home and starting to live and experience the world in a whole new enviroment, when she started making decisions on her own and bearing the consequences of all that she did by herself, without the support and safety net of family. Yet all the while, like sand in the hourglass, things are slipping past her.

***

I remember crying once out of guilt, not too very long ago. Because something struck me one day and suddenly, I could so tangibly understand the previously obscure fact that someone has been waiting for me on his phone all this while. I picture him sitting on his small settee with the reciever comfortably held against his ear with a steady hand (who knows how long he's held it in that position for), with a calm and benign expression on his face. The only thing that betrays his tranquility would be the slight inclination of his body towards the polished floorboards, so that he looked slightly hunched over if anyone bothered to observe him.

I'm guessing his heart was breaking beneath that gentle composure, I could even imagine him standing up and flinging out his arms, raving in silence with a tortured look that looked extra miserable because it did not belong on his angel face anymore than his hands belonged in his hair, grasping at it. His mouth forming the words "Talk To Me" inbetween wails.

And yet he continues to wait.

Faithfully leaning into the reciever till finally, he hears my familiar, vulnerable voice say, "Dear God..."

***

Fun & Critters

2009-04-15T10:53:00.003+08:00

Yesterday had a really fun time at settler's aka dru's home d: huahaha! We played games dat I've never even heard of, yes, even the last monkey one. T_T laughing and getting hands smashed while smashing the bell, trying to snort (LOL) and getting confused over patterns and colours! hehehees, I think my fav game was Jungle Speed. ^_^

Sadly, today I'm abit under the weather. kept waking up in the middle of the night, I think I was too cold. and having weird dreams too!

Hamsters
To see a hamster in your dream, represents underdeveloped emotions. You are distancing yourself from others so that you won't end up getting hurt.

Guinea Pigs
To see a guinea pig in your dream, represents your need to be more responsible and attentive. Alternatively, it suggests that through experimentation and taking risks, you learn how and how not to do something. You learn from your mistakes.

I dreamt dat I was looking at the hamsters in 1 cage and a fat guinea pig ran out of another cage and I had to chase it back. eww, suddenly it reminds me of the first mozzie I smacked with my hands yesterday... gross!

Aja Aja!

2009-04-07T16:34:00.004+08:00

This is a nice photo. Just dat I think I look like a fox. S: newaysssss....

I will miss u really!
But I'm so proud of you, and happy for you too dat you're going to go to ur 'deh-deh' country wahaha, just be sure to concentrate on the shoot!

I will support u all the way. ^_^
*loves*

Drink Deep

2009-04-07T16:08:00.004+08:00

Been thinking: can I really be pure water?

I want so, so much to be pure water though..
so that the people who see me would be startled, maybe, because I'm different and hopefully they would take a closer look and see The Difference in me. That they find themselves refreshed when they talk to me.. or sumthing like dat.

I need to be pure water;
for the people who matter to me, for the people who are going to rely on me, for the people whom I want to walk back Home with at the end of my life.

Had a fun time last night, thank God for everyone of us! ^_^
and thank God for much blessings.
I want to be remembered as Contented! heheha d:

A Fear

2009-04-04T02:11:00.001+08:00

Sonnet 49

Against that time, if ever that time come,

When I shall see thee frown on my defects;

When as thy love hath cast his utmost sum,

Called to that audit by advised respects;

Against that time when thou shalt strangely pass,

And scarcely greet me with that sun thine eye,

When love converted from the thing it was,

Shall reasons find of settled gravity;

Against that time do I ensconce me here,

Within the knowledge of mine own desert,

And this my hand, against my self uprear,

To guard the lawful reasons on thy part,

To leave poor me, thou hast the strength of laws,

Since why to love, I can allege no cause.

-Shakey

Live True

2009-03-30T01:10:00.004+08:00

Found a new J-drama, Mei-Chan no Shitsuji, starring Mizushima Hiro (kyaaaa~!). Part of a convo between 2 characters fascinated me. ^_^

K: But I am always causing troubles for Izumi-sama.
M: It will be alright. Rather than those who keep plenty of things within themselves, those who can speak out their minds freely are much better.

Sometimes we keep things inside and try to handle them on our own because we don't want to be a bother to anyone, or we feel that what we have to say is not worth listening to. Well, I definitely understand how that feels.. but I'm slowly learning to be true to myself, even when the truth is not as perfect as I like and all I want to do is sleep on it. Still, it'll be as good as it's gonna get; living true with nothing to hide!

*笑ってよ！ ^_^*

Tired but Happy Time!

2009-03-29T18:30:00.002+08:00

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

Had so much fun really! Although my arms are aching so much, on top of my backache from the masseur, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. (: Just enjoying each others' company, gossiping (ahahaks d:), frying pancakes at 4am and not to mention wii-ing and screaming in the middle of the night! xD hehees!
I'm so blessed with friends!

***

The solution is to seek God's heart first,
worry worry worry is not going to solve anything in my life.
Yest's sermon impacted me strongly! (just found out there's no such word as 'impactful s:)
Was it 'cause pastor had both of his hands free? waheheha! d:

Dependable.

2009-03-27T16:31:00.005+08:00

After unloading all, on the other side, suddenly I am.. smiling.
This is the unknown - a place I've never been to before.
Everthing is unfamiliar and I don't have any experiences to consult.
But something knocks at my head,
like a beaming, bright carefree little girl:

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

I won't run away even if it's the only thing I know. ((:

Short & Random #2

2009-03-27T02:59:00.007+08:00

Dug out my dad's telescope just now and sat for quite a while by my kitchen window. Had an interesting time looking for stars. Unfortunately there wasn't any night wind, or it would've been more perfect.

***

Soooo very tired mannnnn, but my mind just won't shut down. It's like an overly-hardworking worker working the cogs well past the dismissal bell. ~_~

***

Work waiting for me before my unofficial first day of holiday is even over! busy busy as a beeeeee.

***

When we ask God for independence, He doesn't just plonk it onto our heads. Instead, He gives us opportunities to be independent. (:

I'll be strong, I'll stand by you.
I won't let you fall; you won't be on your own.

Just a Post #9

2009-03-25T21:05:00.002+08:00

Everything happens for a reason.

***

Tomorrow is the last day of ComDA! *fireballs*
A quiet is approaching... like finally.

Every hols, I'd have a mental "to-do" list.
Sometimes I'd write it down even.
But many times I never do wad I wanted to. T_T
I hope the same thing doesn't happen this time!

I have so many things I wana do;
things I wana see, places I wana go..
Let this hols be fruitful and may I grow more in independence.

***

Thank you all who prayed for me and showed concerned.
I feel so loved 'cause of you guys. (:

Prayer Request.

2009-03-22T21:05:00.002+08:00

I am bursting, bursting with conflicting ideals.
I am,
Really. Quite. Torn. Apart.

I don't wish to share, but
please, please pray for me.

I really want to do the "right things", whatever they may be.

Strawberry Shortie, yums!

2009-03-20T18:06:00.005+08:00

This has got to be the best cake for me! xD (other than the choco one dat I ate at sumbuddy's bday, but dat wasn't my cake *pouts*)
saaank u again jose for ur tasty treat! ^_^

right, and I must rmb I have something on on the 3rd of Apr!! I will be there I will be there I will be thereeee~

ps. look at wad I've filed this post under.. @@

Movie Treat

2009-03-17T18:02:00.004+08:00

Went to catch He's Just Not That Into You just now at the cinema before it stopped showing. Another show to categorize under "Movies That I watched Alone"; though along the show, I thought It would be more enjoyable if I watched it with a friend. But when it ended, well~.. I guess it was okay dat I was by myself. Would prolly clash views also.
Anyways, refrained from dwelling on the movie too much though, cus' it was seriously dreambreaking at times, and just not the way I think things will ever happen in my life. /= hahaha but funny show, yes. (:

I just want to be able to say that I have God's approval in all dat I do, boldly and freely. In my relationships, my work, my actions. It's tough sometimes, but yes, I will approach God just as I am. He doesn't need me to clean myself up and light up my halo before going to him, he loves me and will welcome me into his arms just as I am.

What can I say? I have a loving God. (:

Just a Post #8

2009-03-16T23:39:00.005+08:00

Wonder woman! hehees! xD

I think shun asked me to post this a loooong time ago, nvr got to it till I saw in while organising my folder just now. heha, my feet couldn't even reach the pedals. I was a showy girl reveling in make-believe last time! d:

***

I really feel bad dat I never encouraged you more,
never sent u more cheers,
when you obviously needed them so much.
Hope I'm not too late in making up..
love u alot, alot. *hugs* (:
be of gd strength!

***

Daphnis must from Chloe part:
Now is come the dismal Hour,
That must all his Hopes devour,
All his Labour, all his Art.

From Daphnis and Chloe by A. Marvell

So, how do I do this 'parting' thing..?
*purses lips and frowns*

2009-03-15T22:19:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I was so tired in church; mentally, physically and spiritually. Mentally cause I have been overloading my mind with unnecessary things lately, physically because I'm still not fully recovered plus almost 5hrs of photo shoot, spiritually because I'm in this pit-stop in my walk.

It was hard to click when it's hard to even focus, but I really prayed dat I'll be alert and not make any horrible/unforgivable mistake while clicking. And it went quite smoothly, must give all the credit to God.

I'm sure it was God who showed me the glimpse of it.
not so much as a vision, but a kind of dawning knowledge.. sumthing like dat.
It was how things should be,
the direction dat I should work towards.
And God also whispered dat He knew how hard it would be,
especially when I can't imagine it happening with things right now,
but then He says:
"through Me, you can do all things.
For I will give you strength.
As long as you live in your faith,
Nothing is impossible."

And so I have put up the new song,
as a reminder, as a strength.
Change is hard, but we need change!

Happy day!

2009-03-15T14:25:00.005+08:00

I took a look in the mirror and remarked to myself "wow, I look so chinese."
so I decided to take a photo to remember this asian girl by.
Today was the first day I wore my new clip out too *beams*

***

woke up early in the morning because my brudder told me last night dat we're going out to chongpang for bfast tgt with my parents. It's been sooo long since we had bfast tgt! yums, had a gd time eating my fav foods and being ~~disgusted~~ entertained by my mum and her crude moustache jokes hehee. ^_^

Walked ard abit den I had a sudden urge to go to the lib. It launched my mum into a ramble of how I would camp at the lib obediently when I was young and shoo her away to go shopping lol. ohh, and my parents made me walk to northpoint even though I had bus concession! *grumbles* oh wells, it's okay since I walked with my mum as she went to church. :D The lib opens at 11am and it was a scary sight man... campers, old and young waiting for the door to open. S: have to make myself clear: I was not one of them okayyy, I was the aloof-act-cool teenager who let everyone squeeze past me. d:

***

Hmmmmm, I wanted to blog about sumthing, but now I've forgotten wad it is!!! GAHHHH, terrible..

*thinks hard*

oh oh, I remember! :DD
There were some photos on display at the lib, taken by normal random ppl I think. One of it was this average looking teen girl beaming at the camera. The description by the photographer said something like we should boldly embrace who and how we are- like how the girl is smiling so confidently at the cam- even though we aren't exectionally pretty. Somehow it encourages me a lot; I need to be more comfortable with who I am and how God created me, with my passions, hates, idiosyncrasies, interests etc. The most beautiful people are those who are perfectly at ease with themselves. I am God's masterpiece! (:

Okay, back to helping my mum with her 2348235 attempt at making yam cake! d:

Hmmm..

2009-03-11T22:09:00.009+08:00

I duno..
I just have a niggling feeling that I'm being detested by a friend, maybe 6th sense. /:
As I have just embarked on Project: Stop Worrying, I told myself not to presume too much. But it really does seem like all of a sudden, we're more stranger than friend. We were talking so much and then abruptly, nothing at all. I can't get him to talk as before either. I don't know whats going on anymore..

あなたは.. 私を避けてか？
どうしたの??
苦しいだよ..
( ._.)

***

I WANT METAPHYSICAL POEMS!
I want dat book I want dat book, I will get it!!

***

Let friday be a boring class, so dat I may skip it and go phototaking pleeeeeease. x:

***

*cough* *cough* *cough*
>.<

***

Heard this song today on the streets,
It touched my heart and I thought of you.

There's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you

It's a long road when you face the world alone;
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
You can find love if you search within your self
and the emptiness you felt will disappear

Oh.. Lord knows dreams are hard to follow,
But don't let anyone tear them away
Just Hold on, there will be tomorrow,
In time you'll find the way

What ever you are going through,
look up, smile, and walk on.

This song is dedicated to sumbuddy, but if any of u are able to draw strength from it, I'm very glad too. *smiles*

It'll come to us.

2009-03-11T09:40:00.005+08:00

Ohayo desu! (:
Had good dream, yes yes!
Dreamt of D.P.! see I miss you guys so muchhh, esp shir!
Oh, tmr I am going down range ard 4+! shorty is so irritating, always bugs me on msn and says God wants to me go down to range wahahaha. huimin is trg tmr and jose'll be there too, we can hav dinner tgt! must remember to tell jas. :D

***

So weird! (gahahaha d:)
My cough got worse after I drank the cough syrup! )x
(This is in green cus the syrup is green, eeks!)

***

Hermimi, my wow fren living in aussie, is reaching SG today! *excited!* :D

***

Thestylis

What you cannot constant hope
Must be taken as you may.

Ametas
Then let's both lay by our Rope,
And go kiss within the Hay.

-From Ametas and Thestylis making Hay-Ropes by A.Marvell

This is a morning crunch for everyone.
It is like the poetry version of wad fatsu-chan reminded me about myself dat day:
dun spend so much thinking about probs and troubles dat u can't do anything about, and these verses add - just take things one step at a time.
Worry cannot add a day to your life nor another inch to your height (i wish though),
so stop worrying, it'll come to us. (:
yup, I've told myself dat no matter what is going to happen,
I will face it strongly.

Last night, a worrying though came to mind as I was going to sleep.
I literally shook my head to stop myself from thinking dat
and I said, "No, no, I dun want to think about dat now, I just want to go to sleep."
and smiled. (:

***

Oh ya, last night was the first time I laughed hard in a long time!
hehehehehe sank u ada for sharing about horses LOL
hilariousssss lol, please send me a sample song of hers! d:
<3 aduster! (:

and thank u gracie, for the donut.
Though I'm not a fan (cause they're fattening), I'm touched dat you spent the money and effort to buy it for us both! Andddd it's green tea! The authentic green tea flavour dat I lurveeee *shoots glance at ada*
<3 chubby! (:

Living In the Present.

2009-03-11T00:07:00.003+08:00

As lines, so love's oblique, may well
Themselves in every angle greet :
But ours, so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.

Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.

- From The Definition of Love by A. Marvell

I am not crushed,
though these despairing verses speak so much truth for me.
Instead I am more glad
to have found that these beautiful words
exist; reflecting effortlessly
the state that I am in.

poetry makes me smile..
smile and carry on.
(:

***

evan ~~cher~~ thank u for tea time.
3nity, thank u for dinner.
Jesus, thank u for ur love in perfect time;
Your shepherd rod so sturdy found
the little sheep,
confused and hurting.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
-Galatians 5:1

Dear Jesus,
I'm really sorry towards You.
That I let myself go and be beaten again;
by my own weak will and negative thoughts,
and being thrashed about by my emotions,
and all the thoughtless rants I shot at You.

Such a long time ago,
You've already went and took the victory.
So that I wouldn't have to bow to this pain anymore,
that I would be free to live happily everyday.
That I never need to be a slave
to what harms me.

By myself, I would never know that I can,
But You tell me that I have the right to rise above it,
I can, I can, I can.
Because You are carrying me through this.

Lamentations #01

2009-03-10T09:27:00.003+08:00

Bad dream about the same bad person. *grits teeth*
Bad sleep too since I woke up earlier than my alarm. ~_~
Thank you son, for making me laugh last night with little jokes like glycogen haha. (:

***

Random thought:
I feel that someone is going to abort a baby, and I'm like the mother that says "NO!! don't do it! Don't you know that it'll hurt me very much..??"

It's all going to be taken away without my knowledge.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid, this is so stupid!!!

I was looking out the window at the sky and just enjoying the cool morning breeze, if only I don't have to go to school today, I can take my time and enjoy the quiet more. But in the quiet I hear all my laments and questions, so it's prolly better that I get out and do some work too.

I woke up, cringing in bed.
and the verse wriggles into my head, bringing along a calm, and pain too.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. -Proverbs 16:9

Right, from the beginning I believed it to be God's plans,
so even now it must still be, no matter what I had planned for it to be,
things would still turn out this way.

***

3nity dinner tnight! It's been so, so, sooooo long you too.

Dependence on you.

2009-03-09T21:30:00.005+08:00

How do I put you away
Where can I stow you
so that I may be safe

With all my might
I must summon
to not speak to you

Sighing all day
work keeps those thoughts away
It's a natural thing
It's a God-given dream
of mine.

***

This is something ripped off a july 08 post.
Surprisingly, it can convey what I am feeling right now.

It's hard and I fail all the time..
I can't help it. *sigh*..

*edited*
I keep wanting to speak with you, all day.
And I have to hold back; do you know it tears me apart?
What's on my mind all the time? Let God be involved.
I try, I pray about you. I ask God why and I seek refuge.
Did I say something wrong?? *cringes*
ahhhhhhhmygoodnesssss, going nuts!

I need to tell myself that when I wake up,
there may be a chance that all of this will be gone and behind.
A new day, with new strength, new hope and a new bright smile.

But the problem right now is I can't fall asleep. T_T

Diary Writing

2009-03-08T23:35:00.005+08:00

hahahaha! excuse the poor sketches, but I adore them alot!
makes me chuckle all the time.
覚えってるのか？ xD

***

I have decided to be more positive.
I know wad held me back before, but I think I can find a way to meld both values together instead of compromising and crippling both, making things hard only for me.
Enjoy Life! (:

Wedding!

2009-03-06T08:38:00.004+08:00

Had such a great, great time yesterday!!
Was the wedding dinner of my dearest cousin(whom we all call er jie) and her partner of 10 years(!!) at Mandarin Oriental. I felt reeeally quite bad dat I arrived after school earlier than them and went up with them to the bridal suite and was such a humongous light bulb for them! )x *cringes* but I had no place else to go so I was stuck there. But they were so very gracious(as always), sharing their too-nice-to-eat room service lunch with me and admiring the room together.

The view was aweeeesome, the waterfront! we saw the merlion caged up in its blue scaffoldings lol. When things started to get busy and my sister arrived, I moved with them to the deluxe suite where my godparents were staying for the night. The bed was so BIG and super comfy dat me and my da jie kept jumping into it hahaha! xD After some time, we also started to get busy to dress up and get ready to go down to the ballroom too hees.

My sis and I were in charge of taking polaroid shots of guests and to pin them up on a board at the request of my er jie. When the lobby was cramful of people, it was easier to get people to pose for shots cause they were more spontaneous lol. Had to keep reminding them NOT to take the polaroid shots home. When I saw all the people, I was like "Wow, they sure have many friends" lol, I wonder whom they know to invite or not.

When we went in to be seated, they played the hand-drawn video done by the couple dat was so creative and professional, it was so beautiful! They spent 3 mths to make it. if it was me, I would just take the lazy way and splash photos like wad many ppl do. hehees d: Anywayyyyy, they walked in to the tune of Somewhere Over The Rainbow, and I was there gazing at them, tearing and thinking "dreams really do come true". 10 years! there were rocky times inbetween but at the end of the ten years, they're beaming like nothing. To me, jing zhi has been ard like forever and I always already regarded him as family hehaha. But wow, when he told me "Should've done this sooner hor", I was sooo happy for my er jie cause it really means alot! ^_^

As usual the bride cried at the speech part, I really think it's inevitable lol. Then the food came in to Mraz's 'I'm Yours', probably the most used wedding song now lol. I went to take polaroids of the 2 babies dat were ard HEHEES, the mums were very spontaneous and nice. :D

It was such a joyous occasion, everyone happy and smiling. Not a gloomy face in sight.
Happy for the bride and groom, happy at the gathering of friends and family, happy at the delicious food, happy seeing others happy. ^_^

When I got home, I laid in bed for 1 hour though. S:
I duno if I was conscious or not. I just knew dat I found myself still awake and thinking why am I not asleep yet?!! and abit panicky cus I still have to wake up early to prepare my ppt slides for tday. Then I went to pee and was contemplating to continue my work since I'm awake but decided against it and went back to lie down. Managed to sleep afterall of course, but I wonder if I was over-excited?? HAHA I ronno. thinking of some stuffs also I guess.

Photos when my da jie uploads... which is rumoured to be an eternity. T_T heheheees
oh oh, am photographer for another wedding on sat also! gahhhhhh! (in excitement or dread I duno x:)

***

I had a super funny dream though, will go sch to share and see their reaction, esp lays HAHAHA d:

***

Am thinking of camping at some starbucks today for my quiet tea.
Should I, should I, should I.
We'll see!

今夜ちょっとさ..

2009-03-05T09:27:00.004+08:00

Had some papayas and my med,
and this song floated into my head,
and I've posted it up on a whim.

I loveeeeeeeee it! (:

Images of tropical beaches in the cool of the night come into mind.
when what's exuberant in the day turns romantic with the night.
Where the palm trees sway in tune with the waves that lap softly against the sand.
And the moon, a silver mirror so far off in the sky,
watching the waters stretch it's light and is delighted,
holds nothing back and joins in.
The whole scene comes to life, nobody is gloomy.

I feel very carefree and loved when I hear this song.. as if it's being sung for me.
Or maybe I am just feeling too much hees. (x

***

Long day today.
Had bad dream but,

I will not only forgive... I will forget.
not on my strength for I am weak.

Emorish #3

2009-03-04T16:54:00.005+08:00

And it is raining again,
but I'm safe in my quiet room.

The branches of the tree swinging wildly outside,
and the quick drummings of the rain against my window,
the thunder
while the sky is still light,
I love it.
I love it all as I am here;
they seem to be desperately trying to reach me,
but I am here, just calmly watching.

***

Read someone's blog.... you could say it's random since I dun know exactly who she is.
But I have an inkling, hahaha.. *laughs my mysterious little laugh* d:
Well okay dat's not my point anyways.
Read a few short verses by a famous poet over there and I am reminded again why I love poetry and why I should encourage myself to continue to pursue it and allow myself to be immersed in it even though I am not a literature student.

Just do what makes my heart smile, as long as I don't disturb other people on my way;
like worship, it's got to be all me.

***

I'm in a very languid state right now...
are you sure the medicine is non-drowsy??? *frowns*
It's making me emorish and aloof.

I don't want to give in to a nap.
no naps, no naps, no naps..!

***

Wrote a long diary entry, while the memories were still with me.
It was a simple diary entry where I was truthful to myself,
more than I have ever been on this blog.

It's hard to be get things out, even to myself.
Some thoughts are so sensitive/terrifying/unspoken,
that I feel vulnerable and embarrassed to let them come out.
But I did get them out; if I can't face myself, to whom then can I face?
If even to myself, I must wear a mask,
I'm sure that I will leave this place without anyone really knowing who I am.
In any case, I hope it will be a great joy to read the next time I take it out again. (:

***

I want to play sims... *whines*
):

***

I was going to write something On The Other Side,
but it just din work out haha.
oh wells.

Just a Post #7

2009-03-02T18:55:00.005+08:00

Watched this show (Shall We Dance?) dat fatsu-chan lent me with my sister just now. It's the original Jap version of the Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez rendition. And.. it's nice!! Man, I loathed the Hollywood version of cus I dislike JL and dun really fancy RG all dat much either though my sis seems to adore him. (age gap.. X:)

Somehow, I feel dat the show was very realistic-not perfect people in perfect locations with perfect hairs like how Hollywood does it, but small town alleys and deserted train stations and very natural looking actors. oh oh, talking about the actors, the main actor is actually one of my fav Japanese stars! I noticed him at once as Nobu-san in Memoirs of A Geisha, I really reaaaaally love the character of nobu-san! hehees. Also the rumba dancing comic relief character is from the 1000 ghost stories drama dat I used to watch when I was in sec sch. He is so funny in this show! (x

All dat dancing reminded me of our sec2 dance lessons!! practicing outside homec room lolol, shir was my dance partner and all the girls would be engrossed in practicing the steps all day long. xD ahhhh good old days~

***

Right, today was first lesson of ComDA, still duno wad it stands for. X:
neways, change of lect which I only found out tday haha but it's not dat bad. The lect is an adjunct lect named Felix, seems like a nice and approachable guy. And he was the producer of the tv show Gotcha for the first season, mmm quite impressive haha.

Well, the module is basically to teach us to argue our design rational (i think) and he went on to list many examples of different types of reasoning. AND the main thing of the lesson was.. midway, it kinda turned into a theological debate lol. Because one of his eg was:

Premise 1: The Bible is the Word of God.
Premise 2: The Bible says God exists.
Conclusion: Therefore God exists.

He placed this under Fallacy lol, which set me and lays commenting among ourselves. Of course this is a weak reasoning cus you can't use what you're trying to prove as proof. In the first place, the people you are trying to convince don't believe in the Bible, of course they don't care what it says. Well, the discussion went on for quite a while cus someone asked wad Felix's stand was lol. I thought he was a little unnerved at the direction at which the convo was turning though, cus he din want to dwell too much on it and be offensive or anything wahahaha.

Oh wells, I think dat people with a lot of head knowledge would always want to wriggle out of the existence or authority of God with their reasonings. But I would always remember wad my brudder said once: that you can keep trying to explain and answer a doubter's questions about the issues of God, but there will be a limit cus there is a point where faith needs to step in. (:

***

Had totally weird dreams today!! I can't believe wad I dreamt lol..
I dreamt dat... I went back to RO!! hahaha! must be cus chatted with dekkai and wq about RO on sat. xD But it wasn't exactly RO cus phee was jio-ing me to go kill this dragon, and as we fought, we transformed into dragons also! and I was a green dragon and I was healing phee S: The dragon we were killing was black and I tink it's name was Satharion HAHAHA! RO and WOW tgt omigosh @@ I also dreamt of my AI juniors hehehe, so random!

Looking Back (again)

2009-02-25T12:39:00.005+08:00

One of the few 'normal' shots with mellala. *eyes shun*

Just nice! :D Thank God for great seats dat day!

haha, shot of the day?? When I see this shot, I think of wad the person said to my son when he asked for the balloons.. I know, I know! It's not like that, but it's just funny mahhh hees d:

3nity. xD

I'm sure we irritated alot of ppl by hogging up the pathway to take this shot, but it's so pretty! ^_^

This is my newest & only daughter ying! I gave birth to her before I was born ahaha! :D
and I really hope u are feeling better now yingz!

Photos from ikea dat day, been a while since I had so much fun with cell. (:
In the last photo, I am actually a little peeved cus shun would'n stop disturbing our photo taking. But I actually look like I'm smiling or sumthing right?! my goodness. No wonder some people have said they've never seen me angry before.. ada, teach me some angry facial expressions pleaseee. *grimaces*

***

Was reading through my old posts again.
Laughing at myself, and cringing at all the mistakes cus I see through myself instantly. The way I write my posts has gradually evolved. If you read 2005 posts now, you feel it is such a great difference from the way I write now. Fatsu-chan calls it 'energetic' but I call it 'uncouth'. S: But if you read through from 05 till ard end of 07, the difference is really subtle and not obvious at all.

The changes could be attributed to a few things.
Firstly, growing up. The child-likeness rubs off overtime, sadly.

Secondly, I opened up my blog to the public. In the past, only my small circle of friends had my blog address. Well, I suppose the audience does matter. I don't know who might be reading my blog so it would be reckless to blabber off about something in an animated manner and revealing too much, lol. I have people coming to me saying "Hey, I read your blog..blahblah" and I would still be a little taken aback.

Thirdly, I update myself on Facebook wahaha, so dun really talk as much as I do in the past. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Plus I have diaries, a few for different things. I have my wordpress also. Leaving pieces of me everywhere haha.

Growing up, I'm more melancholic than enthusiastic now.
But if you see me in real life, I'm still quite the same in mannerism albeit more restrained lol. Some things are just hard to change really. (:

Embracing who I am is tough,
but it's a road everyone has to go down and I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this.
It's amazing how the words I wrote in the past encourages me even now, the innocent dream-pursuing yans saying 'I love you guys' for almost every post (cus only close friends were reading), simple minded yet irratic as usual.

Sometimes I was this and other times that, I guess I was being hurtled about by conflicting ideals inevitable with growing up, and I was trying to find myself in those years. I was quite appalled by how much my 05 and 06 posts were about rship problems though. /= Trying hard not to be ashamed of it is tough really ahaha. Without a strong love rship with God at dat time, I was looking for love elsewhere, looking for a place to direct my love to. Looking to place someone on the throne of my heart, in all the wrong places. I am grateful beyond words for the many times God didn't answer those prayers of mine and let things go my way. My life would've been in a horrid mess if He did. ~_~

Well, all those lessons and experiences really did play a part in shaping the yanny today, i should be thankful for them when I look back and be encouraged to keep walking this never-ending journey of building a strong and solid character. (:

Also, I used to blog colloquailly, singlish and with the exact words that would come out of my mouth lolol. I duno leh, why dun I blog like dat anymores le ah?? d:

Ahhhhhhh oh wells, 19 this year, I still want more and more of my youth. seishun is such a precious period. /sigh. ~_~
I don't wana grow up, I'm a Toy'R'Us kid...

woweeeee~

2009-02-24T09:53:00.007+08:00

Good Morning Everybuddy! :D

*wavesss*

since evan requested yesterday's BRD ss, I decided to just post up the nice ones dat were in my folder as well :D

From left: evan, me, fatsu chan.

After killing the boss and sitting on his throne. can still see his body there, so extra tch.

Me in my moonkin form, so cute! kikikiki xD nicer shot cus the body is gone now.

Bear form! d: I use it only for taking photos like this.

This was when I was in Borean Tundra lvling up.

That's my orphan elephant, Isn't it cuuuute?! hehehees, Yanny with a yane (old old inside joke). d: Too bad it only stayed with me for the duration of dat quest, helping D.E.H.T.A.-wow's version of the animal rights grp P.E.T.A- rescue them from poachers.

This was during the Valentine's Day period, lots of hearts and flower wreath decos. The wreaths along the sidewalks make me feel like I was at a funeral tho. X=

This is me and my brudder's paladin during chinese new year! wahaha, I'm wearing a red festive dress tailored by evan and I think he was wearing a... hanbok?? lolol ^_^

***

Just did my Masterlife.
And today I realised sumthing so... humbling and shocking.

As a gentile, I actually belong OUTSIDE the temple lah!!! wth... *sobs*

But God allowed me to stick so close to me, treat Him like a friend and everything, His is really full of grace and so generous. Not only did He invite me, He sent His one and only Son to die as my Great High Priest(really love the sound of this title) so I can have 'legal' access all the time, whenever I want!

God is good all the time, all the time God is good! (:

Saturday Recount #1

2009-02-22T10:08:00.003+08:00

Had dreams of the strangest, but quite affecting kind. /=

Dreamt I was being bullied by 2 girls. I recognised one of them as my pri sch friend, was on quite friendly talking terms with her but she had an aggresive personality.
They were like accusing me of borrowing their tie (cus I was a prefect) and not returning them. I stayed calm and polite and tried hard to explain that the tie was mine, passed down from my sis. (but it was the old AI tie lolol) nevertheless, they still kept pushing their point and I couldn't take it any more and started to shout at them. And like in the dramas, the teacher came in and saw me shouting at them and I had to leave the class. T_T

I really felt so hurt and lonely wandering ard the unfamiliar buildings, trying to get out. And then after that was another part of a dream where I realised I was in m'sia, all alone again. o.o Some more incoherent bits before I woke up. so random but left me feeling abandoned. Is it some sub-conscious emotion?
*shrugs* I have no idea.

***

Went Ikea with cell yest, the last time I went was with grace, joy, shun and jr iirc, and they were shopping for MY bday prezzies with ME. hahaha, seriously I had no clue then. The food was great, at least for me. The meatballs were really nice. ^_^ and I ate my first shrimp salad.
Me and Ying finally got our weighing scales! I reaaaally need to eat less, eat less, eat less.
I have been eating alot these past week, it's atrocious.

Had good fellowship though it was for a short time spent there only, took ~~funny~~ irritating and unglam photos lol. mella was the paparazzi and I 'acquired' a daughter. O: hahaha, in the evening, x.grace wans me to be her mommy too and I said no. 4 kids!! That's twice my quota lol, cannot handle huahahaha xD

***

Sermon was great! God spoke thru ps.Matt to me, on many things. Especially the Do Not Worry part, and Submitting to God. 'Yanni' means 'God is Gracious', and He realllly is! cause I had no sermon slides to click yesterday hohohoho! d:

Dinner was missing ada, /sigh. Neways we surprised joyjoy with cake, song and prezzie hehees. Ah, one year older aready. Everyone is growing up! (:
Oh, on the way home, something happened like in the movies. so weird!! ~_~ gah. I am reminded of passion&purity: Don't be fooled by coincidences.
When I came home, read Purpose-Driven Life.
And it was about surrender again!
Much to surrender.

And I disobeyed God last night.
It was sumthing minor but I guess God knew how much it meant to me and was testing me.
I'm sorry to have failed but through it, I only found out that God is always right.
Was discouraged, no doubt.
No matter how sure I was, Man will always disappoint.
God always has the best interest for me and I shld be listening to Him.
I heard God say "see I told u so" but later He also said "it's alright, now you know so you can come back now."
To learn from mistakes means never to commit again if I can help it.

***

Added new song! :D
To my son: It's the happy song! *beams*
This song makes me look like an idiot on the streets man. I can't help skipping and beaming when I'm listening to it, even when I'm feeling sad about sumthing.
waiting for fatsu-chan to send the lyrics so I can start screeching hehees! (x

Just a Post #6

2009-02-18T17:08:00.003+08:00

Wrung this out of timon last night, I think I freaked him out with my enthusiasm X= nyahaha, this was a good photo for me to try my editing skills. As he refused to edit it for me! hohoha oh wells, turned out nice. ^_^

and just got this is the mail.
Media ah Media~
bunch of whacks who are really just kids uncannily knowledgeable about all this sound and lights and cables. Thank God for this blessed, motley crew. (:

***

Planetshakers 15th Feb!

2009-02-17T19:08:00.004+08:00

HERE IT IS!!!
*Super Beams* ^_^

1. Chris Tomlin
~~2. Henry Seeley~~
3. Joshua Harris
4. Max Lucado

Never thought that I'd get to meet him really..
When would I get to see the other 3??
HEHEHEEEES!

*tumbles away~*

Anticipation..!

2009-02-13T14:55:00.004+08:00

Rare sighting of yans amidst doing work, just for fun and also to dash hopes of ppl hoping to see some punk hairstyle. *eyes ada* Also, was chatting to dear gracie yest and talking about our pathetic photo-less blogs, hers in poorer shape than mine ahahahaha. d:

man.
Planetshakers really coming to YI?
I still can't believe it laaaaa.
Like a sudden bomb. and I still duno if Henry Seeley is going to come!!!
What if he does?!!
Would I get to take a photo with him!?
Will someone pleeeeeease help me to take a photo of him if he is coming?!
oh myyyyy.
What if I get photo duty??
....

GHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh wells, yans, dun get ur hopes high ahhhh.
Let's just take it that he is not coming along.
nodsnods.
xD

phee, this is the thing i wanted to talk to you about, but u were away hehehees.

Emo-rish #2

2009-02-12T11:34:00.004+08:00

When a love relationship goes bad, the 2 parties involved are hurt.
But outsiders also have the Outsider Grief.
Just heard someone say, "The relationship between a man and a woman is difficult to understand." Well, I'm sure it must be true. I got to admit, I'm still so affected by it every time I recollect the 'story' (as I am told to take it).

What quenches a cheerful spirit,
and robs the smile off thy face?
What stabs as a blunt knife does?
There'll be no rewind in this play.

***

On a lighter note!
I cut my hair.
Now I look like when I was sec3.
But NOT that hairstyle.. *glares at shun*

Just A Post #5

2009-02-08T14:29:00.004+08:00

I know I have been bugging everyone at cell with my canto song, thanks for all those who bore my screeching and tone-deaf senerades with love and patience. xD
It's such a greaaaaaaat song mannnnn.

***

The phelgmatic me has finally let go of fears.
It's like all of a sudden I dropped all my baggages of diffidence, inhibitions, fears of what people might think(most of it) and most important of all, the Nais Facade.
I even managed to remove the Constant Smile *beams at 3nity*. (:

Thank God for the good work.

***

It's impossible to entertain bulimic/anorexic thoughts when my dad is at home.
I can't say no to him when he asks if I want to eat anything in the morning because I know that he knows that I haven't eaten anything. So if I say no, it might worry him and later on he would just make more food to shove down my oesophagus. /=

And one trait of independence is not to let others worry about you.

***

There are some things that I still flinch when I think of them.
That anguish issue again.
So the next time we meet, let it be a super joyous event, alright?
Just so I won't try to imagine the anguish.

Emerging Through the Valley

2009-02-02T10:52:00.005+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~
*inhales deeply*
Someone once said, "Go back to the place where you fell, and it is there that you'll pick yourself up again." And for me it is true also. I went back and talked with the same person and it beats talking with so many others whom weren't really who I needed to talk to.

Everybuddy, this is quite a long and deep post, try your best to read through? hees.

My faith is the solid rock on which I have chosen to build my life.
I don't have any prove for you who do not believe that He loves us all,
except that here I am, committed in my life and heart to someone that I have never met, never heard, never smelt and never touched. Why do I even bother? I do not deny that I ask myself that sometimes.. a lot of times actually. wouldn't everything be less complicated and also easier to live truly free, unbound by rules and convictions? I may seem really silly; wasting my time, my efforts, and my life away on something that is not necessary in living a life. Many people have lived and died without even knowing Christ.
But I have heard, and it falls upon me to make a choice.
Everyday, my free will is still intact and I make that choice.

I have learnt that I am only responsible for my own faith.
Yes, I am commissioned to share it to the people around me, I am to pray for them and even fast for them. But what choice they make, is entirely up to them. Even God doesn't interfere so who am I to try? It has taken me a long time to disengage myself. There is a fine line between living out my commission and taking things too hard.

This lesson or paradigm shift has led me to consider many things.
At one point, I was afraid I might find nothing to hold on to and just backslide. But I am so grateful for a lesson like this.
If I were thoroughly convinced and turned from God, let it be so then.
I want to have a faith deeply rooted to serve as my compass for life.
If I cannot be hot, I would rather fall and be cold.
Than to be lukewarm and unsure, with a faith that I cannot even stand up for. To convince others, I must be more convinced than them.
I find that I have so much more to learn of God, and I am excited for it!

Psalm 71 knocks at the door of my head.
After reading it, I feel like it's all the things I want to tell God right now.

Psalm 71 (selected verses)

In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.

Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
turn your ear to me and save me.

Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.

Deliver me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of evil and cruel men.

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.

From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother's womb.
I will ever praise you.

But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.

I believe that God'll protect me.
But it doesn't mean that I remain ignorant and do not protect myself.
I want very badly to be strong and independent also.
But it is not something that will happen in the span of 1 day, or 1 month or even 1 year.
It's something I have to put in effort to work towards, and I do recognise that. (:

God has blessed me with such wonderful, wonderful people in my life!
And the song that plays, plays for such a person as that. :D

Anguish

2009-02-01T02:22:00.004+08:00

I imagine a tiny sphere of earth,
maybe with a few neatly pruned trees dotting it.
And then the rain.
The perpetual rain coming down consistently with no signs of letting up.
That's the scene of my heart today.
When I reach inside, I feel that I am all hollow and empty but for that single plot of hovering land. I could not turn the rain off, I had absolutely no control over that sphere today.
I tried for sadness, then grief.
But what fits it best today is Anguish.

***

Have never felt so much pain, heartache, anguish, confusion and helplessness all rolled into one crippling package. Questioning God with as much honesty as I could muster, not trying to allow my conscience and self-knowledge to defend God before He can speak.
That's definitely a first.
But I really still love God so much. and in my heart of hearts, I know as a dead fact that His ways are higher than mine. And only Time will reveal the workings of His hand.
And after all that He had said in church today, it only confirms it more and shows me the things I must do.

1. Receive deeply, you can't give what you don't have.
2. Love, with all its gush and mush, must be built upon solid facts and never on fickle feelings.
3. Pray, for all things are possible with God.

***

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. So even though I wrote to you, it was not on account of the one who did the wrong or of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are."
- 1 Cor 7:10-12

I have to be careful.
Giving even godly sorrow more attention and time than is due it,
will turn it to worldly sorrow.

Lord, give me strength to stand again.
You have given me a soft heart,
too easily crushed and manupilated.
There must be some use, some goodness in that.
For in my weakness, Your strength can be revealed.
Reality is what is hurting,
what have I been living in, Lord??
No sleep tonight again.
I'm too emotional for my own good.

I would appreciate it if nobuddy comments for this post, thanks.
I just need my own space.

Still

2009-01-29T10:26:00.008+08:00

A ripoff from somebuddy else's ripoff off somebuddy else's blog. d:

Control Your Own Drawbridge - Henri Nouwen

"You must decide for yourself to whom and when you give access to your interior life. For years you have permitted others to walk in and out of your life according to their needs and desires. Thus you were no longer a master in your own house, and you felt increasingly used. So, too, you quickly became tired, irritated, angry, and resentful.

Think of a medieval castle surrounded by a moat. The drawbridge is the only access to the interior of the castle. The lord of the castle must have the power to decide when to draw the bridge and when to let it down. Without such power, he can become the victim of enemies, strangers, and wanderers. He will never feel at peace in his own castle.

It is important for you to control your own drawbridge. There must be times when you keep your bridge drawn and have the opportunity to be alone or only with those to whom you feel close. Never allow yourself to become public property, where anyone can walk in and out at will. You might think you are being generous in giving access to anyone who wants to enter or leave, but you will soon find yourself losing your soul.

When you claim for yourself the power over your drawbridge, you will discover new joy and peace in your heart and find yourself able to share that joy and peace with others."

***

Although this does make sense, but I don't feel that I need to be too on guard and populate my moat with piranhas (actually I prefer old school crocodiles d:) and such. Only because I'm an ambassador of Christ, and perhaps the only Bible some of my friends will ever read. I've got to be an open book for them, even if I may get hurt in doing so.
It's really not about me, but my commission to them.

***

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
God is good to me~
He heard my silent wails and laments since last night and spoke to me about my Dream just now. many things He said to assure me and guide me, out of His unfailing love and grace.

Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished! - Luke 1:45

The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. - Luke 2:20

God said so means God said so,
who am I to argue and why should I let fears and the constriction of my meagre amount of experience on earth keep me away from believing in God's words? Just because I can't envision it doesn't mean God can't do it.
I am actually doubting in God when I say it's impossible.
Nothing is impossible for Him!
***

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone,
know His power, in quietness and trust.
I will be still, know You are God.

***edited***
I just checked my email, and found a prayer email waiting for me.
I have a great friend in Christ who read my troubling post and prayed for me.
It must be because of that prayer that God comforted me so today.
Thank you sister! (:

ps: its NOT about who/what you think okay. I'm pretty sure I know what you assume lolol.
It's about my Dream, if you still don't get it, come and ask me! (;

The honesty's too much

2009-01-28T20:28:00.004+08:00

Heard an oldie on the radio today, Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill.
Some lyrics for mulling purposes:

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend

Starting to wonder how many forms does love take?
For a split second there, I thought I felt something stir.
I don't know what's good for me,
only God knows.

I hate thinking about things that I have no hand in,
but they are the bulk of my troubles.
I keep holding on to my Dream,
but sometimes I feel that I am desperately grasping on silk,
for I can't envision it,
..I think I can't achieve it.

The Lord keep me and be sufficient for me.

新年快乐！

2009-01-25T08:31:00.004+08:00

ahhh.. I dreamt of a baby again this morning. ^_^
really cute boy.

had a really short but happy cell grp time, just talking about random stuffs that lead from topic to topic. (: and after church went to our annual cousins' movie outing; this year is the inauguration of our new CHEAPO new year plan where we stay home and watch movie projected on the wall and eat dinner tgt wahahaha!
We watched bedtime stories! *beams at gracie* yay, been wanting to watch dat hehehees.

***

When lays-san told me she was stalking some random person's blog and reading about her life, I thought I would try it too! wahaha and I did, I adopted 2 blogs to read ~~in my spare time~~. lolol.

The 2 blogs, and the lives of their writers, are worlds apart.
And that's probably an understatement.
The 1st one is written by a lady on the brink of divorce, her marriage is like peering off a cliff. She found out her husband cheated, not once but twice (ouch). and they don't talk so much, and through the blog, I see all her internal struggles and questions. Sometimes it sounds downright selfish, but who can blame her? I think that's the hardest thing a mother has to go through because she has got responsibilities as a mother and, I'm very sure, love for the man who hurt her so deeply.

The 2nd blog is titled Life's Greatest Blessings. (:
It's written by a mom with 5 kids under 5! WAHAHAHA and her blog is all prettily done up and LOADED with photos of her kids. She chronicles all their happenings and her love really flows out and floods my screen. All her kids are really loving toward each other.. and I kapo-ed a couple of photos, hope she won't sue me or sumthing. X=

aren't they angels..... ((:

And this is the 2nd son Brandon, he adores his baby sister Brooke. He takes care of her very gently and it's something I've never seen before.
mannnnnnnnnnnn......

What a huge difference uh.
Maybe it's because one has the gospel and the other hasn't?
Worlds apart.

Scabs

2009-01-19T09:24:00.003+08:00

I just finished my morning ritual of washing up and breakfast -
toast sandwich and daily bread.
It was pretty awesome.

I told God to speak to me, on whichever aspect He wants, but to just speak to me personally cause I love it when He is in me and I in Him.
And here I just would love to share the simple yet wonderful message that He reminded and taught me anew again. Because on my own knowledge, I know some people need it too. But maybe there are more who needs to hear it also. (:

***

IMPOSSIBLE?

When Nobel Chairman Gunnar John delivered his presentation speech for Martin Luther King’s 1964 Peace Prize, he quoted Jesus: “Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matt. 5:39). As Mr. John noted: “It was not because he led a racial minority in their struggle for equality that Martin Luther King achieved fame. . . . [His] name will endure for the way in which he has waged his struggle.”

In 1955, King had led a year-long, peaceful boycott to protest segregation on buses. He paid a high price. His home was bombed, and he was assaulted and arrested. He never retaliated. Eventually he was murdered.

How contrary Dr. King’s peaceful example stands to my fleshly nature! I want justice now. I want retribution. I want others to pay for their wrongdoing, especially when it’s directed at me. What I do not want is to turn the other cheek and invite them to take another swing.

Haddon Robinson comments on the lofty standards Jesus set forth in the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5–7), calling them “goals . . . not impossible ideals. [Jesus] wants His disciples to strive toward these goals to master a new kind of life.”

Amid the injustices of life, may we have the courage, faith, and strength to turn the other cheek. - Tim Gustafson

So send I you to hearts made hard by hatred,
To eyes made blind because they will not see,
To spend—though it be blood—to spend and spare not—
So send I you to taste of Calvary. - Clarkson

It takes true strength to refuse to retaliate.

***

A caring friend asked me yesterday if I was okay.
I said that I was.
I don't think of it as a lie nor as a complete, heartfelt truth either.
I know that God sees, He knows my hurt in it's deepest crevices.
Although I am not one to voice out my misery until it is, say, perhaps some breaking point, it does not mean I do not care much for it.

In fact, I believe I dwell on it too much.
Even though I certainly have grown in this area of my life (handling hurts), because of experience and assurance from God, things still cut.
Especially words.

I have a great metaphor for the transition of things like that.

It's like how a cut is to me.
I could leave it alone, or I could wash it with some cool water.
Either way, it'll stop bleeding after some time.
Then it hardens and forms a dry scab.
If I try to peel it too soon, it'll just be an open wound again.
So usually I'd just leave it alone and try not to think about it.
Then one day, I would find that it's okay to scratch at it and I would,
and off falls the scab.
Leaving a scar behind in it's place.
Overtime it would fade and get tanned together with the other normal skin and people would not be able to see it anymore.
Eventually they would forget about it too.
In the end, I would be the only one left to know exactly where the scar is, though faded, though faint.
I alone would remember and see.

I have been pondering about this since a couple of days ago. If every time I get hurt and they turn into scars, wouldn't my body not be covered from head to toe in faint sickle moons and lashes? I know how it does not look good and I know God created my body perfectly and I should not return it to Him in a bad shape, if it is in my strength to control.

So then, why am I babbling on so?
Hmmm..
In truth, I don't really know.
It's not as if I am delivering a sermon here, but I just want to express my inner struggle, somehow.
There is no skin grafting available for my emotional body, so I recognize that God is the only doctor who can remove the blemishes on my body and make it white as snow. Seriously, it would take the love of God to make all things new again. And through today's daily bread, He has told me that He sees and cares about my situation.

It's a small reminder of His big love that is always there, and has never left me. What I need to do is open my mouth a little wider and reach out my hand a little further.

Patience and Love

2009-01-14T21:53:00.003+08:00

yanni, remember where this is coming from and never forget.
Remember this pain and may it serve as a reminder everytime before you open your mouth to talk back, to rebuke, to say your selfish thoughts.
Even as you place yourself in her shoes, the hurt is but a small fragment of what she goes through.
The burden upon her shoulders you cannot even begin to imagine..

If one day, you ever lose all motivation to work hard,
strive for her, to make her proud and place her mind at ease.

Your love must shine through your attitude and age.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-13T16:18:00.003+08:00

I know I haven't been blogging nor been to others' blogs,
and Merry Xmas one last time to alwyn and grace! the title is for you both. LOL
tsk so mean to make fun of me...

***

Although work at school seems to be doubling,
I'm still thankful and happy dat God prepares me for it,
with 2 sermons that really sticks with me and is very relevant to me now.
He sustains! (:

***

Seems like all of a sudden,
I'm older and wiser.
*smiles*

Merry Xmas!

2008-12-25T01:04:00.003+08:00

Firstly, merry xmas! :D
another year, another season.
Just reached home from spending the day with awesomely joyful cell b&s, loveeee it! :D

***

I think only 2 people read the previous post before it was edited.
And they were just the right people to read, any other people wouldn't be of much help and would prolly only make things worse, so thank God and thank u 2, shld know who u are. (:

***

I remember: no special sms, no special treatment.
In fact, I will run the other way as hard as I can.
I want to chase back the initial fervor of dislike.
I don't want to be nice, I don't want anything to happen.

There is this painful feeling inside of me and I pick up anger, betrayal and fear.
I am so bitter with myself, I hope it turns to hate for him.
No matter if it is 'right' or 'wrong', I will do it cause I don't want to be weak and make any mistakes.
Yanny will protect herself and not be hurt.

Troubles

2008-12-23T23:15:00.005+08:00

I miss WoW. ):
*sighs*
I think I can understand a littttttle bit of how people feel when they go cold turkey, not the pain part but the inner struggle with myself.
gacks. I will survive! *shakes fist*
But my siblings are reeeeeally not making it easy for me by playing warcraft3, TSK.
and sen, stop tempting me!!!! *strangles*

***

*edited*
GOD GIVE ME BACK MY BUAY SONG FACE PLEASE!!!!!
I don't want to be weak!!!
I don't want to make any stupid mistakes like those.

***

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7

Dec '08

2008-12-21T22:11:00.003+08:00

The devil is quick to strike and he is no rookie on this battle field.
Seeing that my heart and soul is in God, strong and fervent,
he sought to break my body.

But even though if it hurts me,
I will run after my Jesus,
my Lord and Saviour.
For all my days I will serve Him,
the Author and Perfector of my life.

***

Thanks to everyone who showed me so much care and concern!
so so so so touched *beams* ^o^
ever since I got FB, haven been blogging much, nyahaha! d:

tmr going to go cycling with those young punks!
*excited* I love to be in the presence of Your people! :D

WLIIA 01

2008-12-10T15:52:00.002+08:00

SUPER SUPER Funny through and through!!! watch! xD

Dreams

2008-12-07T09:14:00.002+08:00

2 days ago,
I dreamt of things that I am immensely fond of.
Cheesecakes and you. (:

***

Today I can remember many dreams,
dreamt of ghosts - been a long time since I last did - they look like they're from Fatal Frame hehe.
Dreamt that me and some people (I think relatives) were sitting in a room singing the Faye Wong song: 但愿人长久. It was very funny, like real life situations. We had the lyrics, but couldn't read. Then we were trying hard to figure out when my sister came out of the washroom and a sense of relief flooded us cause we all went forward to ask her, bwaheheha d:
Dreamt of sitting in a plane too with my brudder.
And lugging luggages everywhere.
hehe weirddd.

***

ada, gogogo for your run! *cheers* (:

2008-12-04T14:56:00.003+08:00

One of End Times signs:

Yanny joining Facebook.

please add yannychua@gmail.com.

sanksss. d:

iPersonic Test -DI

2008-12-04T09:26:00.003+08:00

KEYWORDS

introverted, theoretical, emotional, spontaneous, idealistic, dreamy, effusive, pleasant, reserved, friendly, passionate, loyal, perfectionist, helpful, creative, composed, curious, obstinate, with integrity, willing to make sacrifices, romantic, cautious, shy, peace-loving, vulnerable, sensitive, communicative, imaginative

Dreamy Idealists are very cautious and therefore often appear shy and reserved to others. They share their rich emotional life and their passionate convictions with very few people. But one would be very much mistaken to judge them to be cool and reserved. They have a pronounced inner system of values and clear, honourable principles for which they are willing to sacrifice a great deal.

(95% Accuracy)

Joan of Arc or Sir Galahad would have been good examples of this personality type. Dreamy Idealists are always at great pains to improve the world. They can be very considerate towards others and do a lot to support them and stand up for them. They are interested in their fellow beings, attentive and generous towards them. Once their enthusiasm for an issue or person is aroused, they can become tireless fighters.

(70% Accuracy)

For Dreamy Idealists, practical things are not really so important. They only busy themselves with mundane everyday demands when absolutely necessary. They tend to live according to the motto “the genius controls the chaos” - which is normally the case so that they often have a very successful academic career. They are less interested in details; they prefer to look at something as a whole. This means that they still have a good overview even when things start to become hectic. However, as a result, it can occasionally happen that Dreamy Idealists overlook something important.

(not so sure bout this..)

As they are very peace-loving, they tend not to openly show their dissatisfaction or annoyance but to bottle it up. Assertiveness is not one of their strong points; they hate conflicts and competition. Dreamy Idealists prefer to motivate others with their amicable and enthusiastic nature. Whoever has them as superior will never have to complain about not being given enough praise.

(95% Accuracy)

As at work, Dreamy Idealists are helpful and loyal friends and partners, persons of integrity. Obligations are absolutely sacred to them. The feelings of others are important to them and they love making other people happy. They are satisfied with just a small circle of friends; their need for social contact is not very marked as they also need a lot of time to themselves. Superfluous small talk is not their thing. If one wishes to be friends with them or have a relationship with them, one would have to share their world of thought and be willing to participate in profound discussions. If you manage that you will be rewarded with an exceptionally intensive, rich partnership.

(100% Accuracy)

Due to their high demands on themselves and others, this personality type tends however to sometimes overload the relationship with romantic and idealistic ideas to such an extent that the partner feels overtaxed or inferior.

(duno x=)

Dreamy Idealists do not fall in love head over heels but when they do fall in love they want this to be a great, eternal love.

(true true.)

Try it! www.ipersonic.com (:

2008-12-03T22:25:00.002+08:00

- Ecc 2:11 -

Happy Sunday!

2008-12-02T08:45:00.007+08:00

Had a great weekend, spent out.

Not doing any work, made me guilty and a tad worried.

But I was having such a gooood time. :D

Went to Evan's baptism on Sunday morning,

still very guilty dat ~~uncle~~ ringo wore formal PLUS tie 'cus I was just kidding.

I'm never going to tell a joke again. *straightfaced*

Neways to Mr.Icy:

Thanks so much for inviting me to your funeral,

very honoured! May you grow stronger in your faith,

less of you, more of God. (;

*edited* AND HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY! xD

Covenant is a very, very pretty church!

feels very homely, reminds me of the church my Tecman friends invited me to.

And his youth pastor knows Jeffery Poh!

And evan's best friend, William, knows Jean!

GAH! small small world!

And they sang those soft, simple songs during worship dat really touch the heart. (:

After lunch, I went to meet my favourite people :D

Wei ee, huimin and meee.

It's SO corny to say this, but I loveeee you sir!

and no matter wad, I'll always be on ur side. (:

to me, you bring 'Best Friends' to a different level.

me and jose. she totally surprised me with a Build-a-Bear Bear lol.

The bear is androgynous and the name is Sir Faith Chris Spanny Jo.

Football Club for short. d: hehehehees.

thanks again joseeeee, the lappy case would really have been enuff. (:

Photo of the day! lol, we tried to take a normal photo at TCC, but the seats just didn't make things easy for us. In the end we look so awkward, like the Alps. /=

Much better one hehe. and all of them, including shir and ada now,

has long hair! gahhh. *pouts*

Kate and Stephanie LOLOL. d:

***

If I had known they were going to treat me for dinner,

I really wouldn't have suggested Ichiban. *cringes*

I drew money on dat day, thinking I would be spending alot.

In the end, I didn't spend any all at. T_T

I'm so blessed, really. *smacks self*

***

On a more serious note:

After some teasing at lunch on sunday,

I have decided to re-word my dream.

I don't want to be a housewife,

I want to be a mother.

Hooked

2008-11-30T00:02:00.002+08:00

Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Have got some stuffs to say but oh wells,
sleep and some other kind of feeling creep in.

Sarah Mclachlan - I Will Remember You

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

***

Liked this song since a while back,
soft melodic tune with the right vocals.
The lyrics seem to fit Edward's thoughts during the 2nd book.
ahahaha, man I'm so hooked.

2008-11-27T12:57:00.003+08:00

Wrote something On the Other Side. (:

***

Memories Again

2008-11-25T08:55:00.002+08:00

I love little kids, and dat one there is sooooo cute! hehe! d:
and we're all sitting on our beloved late beanbag.

Ah I love this photo! we're like poor, ancient Japanese children lol.
Especially my hair, makes me look like xiao wan zi. hehees!

Aoe!

2008-11-24T11:11:00.002+08:00

AOE FTW!! xD

I love vc, I can OWN vc!! nyahahaha!

2008-11-24T09:34:00.002+08:00

I gotta watch what I sow into my life,

and also watch what I say. (:

p.s. Mella, read Malachi, I got a word from it.

feels like dejavu S:

Another Post! :D

2008-11-21T16:56:00.007+08:00

I love this shot. nyahehehee, I'm too cool. d;

Go The Distance

I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

I will search the world
I will face its harms
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

***

really beautiful song dat can be secular yet also
be refering to Home. (:

***

Thanks ada, grace, sen and shun for coming down to yish(ada not included)
and eating lunch tgt with me and presenting me with my Housewife artillery -
toilet brushes, heart-shaped ice molds, dustbin etc!
wahahaha, thanks to mella, ying, jean, jere and jiayan too! <3> half of the items lolol.

Birthday Freak

2008-11-21T15:36:00.003+08:00

After I cut my big Strawberry Short-birthday-cake at home on wed,
we went to rummage through our stash of old photo albums
to find all the evidence of me as a birthday freak.
my dad and sis said I would get so super excited during birthdays everytime,
though it isn't even my birthday!
wahaha! And it was hilarious, here are the proofs! d:

my 3rd birthday, yes it was MY birthday, had my hair done and all. d:

"Careful with the cake...or i'll poke you with my knife!!"

The icing on the cake writes: "Happy Birthday Tommy" LOLOLOL

My sis's bday, lolol click on the photo to see my expression. d:

oooo i love this one! heheheheees (x

Real Happy Birthday <:

2008-11-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

Wacky people trying to hide round a corner lol.

My bday log cake! <: (gobbled it up during Infodes, very sweeeet!)

Nuo, the cake-bearer who exclaimed Happy Birthday when she saw me and merrily lighted the candle hehehee.

The Big Onigiri-kun dat they SEWED for me!! I'm really, really moved by it cus' I can't believe the amt of time and effort they put in. *hugs everybuddy*
They are top des studs really, the product comes complete with mockups and R&D! THANKS AGAINNNNNNN!

God-given bunch of jolly friends!

***

I told some people dat I dun have the bday feeling this yr.
But now I do, and I know why!
When I was younger, celebrating with my family fufilled the bday celebration.
Then when I was older, it was jose and the gang.
Then couple years back, it was my cell.
Now, celebrating with my poly friends completed the bday rite.

Praise God for bringing me through all my 18 years of joy,
surrounded by fantastic, lovely people. (:

2008-11-19T00:23:00.002+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday Yans! (:

(and ada won first prize! d:)

Vegabond-planning

2008-11-18T21:50:00.003+08:00

A thought crossed my mind just now;
In the more imaginative part of my cranium,
I can almost envision me and ada turning vegabonds out by ourselves.
She, most prolly by the people around her,
and I, most definitely by the people within me.

and Ada,
As a means of livelihood,
you may draw roses and I may help colour them. (:
heeeees.

go, last paper!

:D

2008-11-16T23:15:00.002+08:00

shun named this file Spanny and sent me.
C'mon, I may not have any awesome abilities,
but I have the powerful skill of fixing my eyes
on the camera ALL the time. try me, nyahahaha *evil grins*
I LOVE MY CELL YEAAAA! :D

A smile in my heart

2008-11-16T00:55:00.002+08:00

I love my cell,
thanks for remembering and everything. (:
hope you guys had a really great games day,
though I couldn't join,
was very happy to see everyone so happy. (:

My bday wish is that I may be a blessing to everyone around me,
not a burden but a blessing. (:

Thanks dgg, wei, phee, jason, ray, huat for prezzies too.
I feel loved and blessed! (:

***

When God calls us, it will lead to a crisis of doubt.
It's hard when we can't see the whole picture but things just keep happening.
was filled with Godly sorrow since last night, not worldy I'm sure.
I duno wad God is trying to accomplish through me or in me,
but clay has to be flexible to be molded and to stay in the potter's hands to be used,
so I want to be just dat.

There is a knot inside of me,
God didn't untie it today,
but He did speak today.
And I knew right away it was for me,
so, thanks God,
for bothering to encourage me. (:

I am not alone. (:

2008-11-15T02:22:00.003+08:00

went blog hopping,
suddenly swept in a a sudden surge of sadness.
yes, Sadness.

It's painful.
But I can't say for I don't want to disoblige anyone.
It might kill me;
my legs might start retracting back my steps
and I would be walking backwards faster than
I can catch myself.

And how are you holding up, my dear?
and oh no, I'm talking to myself now.

A part of me wish someone sees through everything,
another part doesn't want to talk about it.
It's tiring just to think about issues.
Just pray for me alright?

I love you all dearly.

Emo-rish

2008-11-14T13:29:00.003+08:00

....I really want to post some photos,
but I dun have any to post T_T
OH WELLS

***

Happy 18th Birthday! to my darling again today,
dun think she reads my blog though,
but had a great time catching up with her last night/this morning.
Can't wait to see God glorified thru her life,
and can't wait for D.P. to meet out in full force! d:

***

Today is a rather emo day,
waking up at 12nn might be the problem,
or the fact dat WOTLK is out and I dun have it (boohoo),
or the fact dat I suddenly feel very lost today -
duno how to spend my time and no mood to do anything.
This must be the phlegmatic side of me rearing it's languid head.
*mulls around*

Well thank God dat yish lib opens today,
should go dump my books and check out new ones.
hehehe.. i feel much better now, good.

***

Just a Post #4

2008-11-12T10:35:00.003+08:00

Past few days has been really good..
~~cross out all the sch-work part,~~
yes really good. (:

It's been a loooong time since I chatted with dru,
and we had a looooong chat yesterday morning (12-2+)
about many things. I really am very thankful for
the leaders God has placed in my life,
being genuinely concerned about me,
encouraging and guiding me back on track everytime.
Sanksssss Druuuu. (:

About end times;
I think many of you know my life-dream.
So the question is would I get married
and have kids and let them live in the tough, painful times
where it's possible they might fall away easily
or
get married and have kids and let them live in the tough,
painful times but be able to experience love? (God's and mine)

I don't want to spend any time thinking about the answer actually,
cause I dun have the capacity yet.
But my heart believes God is in-charge of my life, my world and my future.
Whatever He plans for me will be good, whether I see it straight away or not.

And, for everyone and in any situation,
God will provide all that we need
when He brings us to it.
Faith is believing that which we can't see,
let's walk by faith, not by sight! (:

Just as He has been good to me;
when I'm struggling with work submissions this week,
I feel His tangible love everyday.
This must be the feeling,
of coming through a long, long tunnel.

And to my dear brudder in Christ:
Dun give up praying!
God'll nvr leave you nor forsake you. (:
You've been a blessing to many in many ways.

back to work!

Fire Fall Down

2008-11-10T10:36:00.003+08:00

What is this feeling,
what is this calling out from within.
My heart is tingling,
my soul is dancing.

A flame is burning,
re-ignited by love.
From the inside out I'm changing,
thump-thump-thump-thump..

Fan into flame,
bigger, brighter, stronger, hotter.
More, more, more.
Thirsting for more.

Gracious beyond comprehension,
loved beyond limits.
I will not stay silent,
my feet will move and run after You.

***

Nothing else compares to You,
my saving grace.

Jesus, Saviour
My life belongs to You forever
'cause You have set my heart on fire,
and You have set me free.

YAY! PRAISE GOD!

2008-11-05T13:25:00.002+08:00

YAY!

MY CORPORATE ID SYMBOL JUST GOT FINALISED YAY!

praise God praise God praise God for His grace!!

I have a confession and a testimony everybuddy!

Last night I was reading manga.

you know how I can't stop when I read fiction.

so I read till 3.3oam!!!

But I have consultation today! O:

So this afternoon,

as usual I prayed for a seat on 969.

It was crowded. /=

But God's grace is infinitely beyond what I think I deserve,

thus a lady infront of me got down at khatib!!

After thanking God profusely in my head,

I started sketching more symbols.

sketch sketch sketch all the way to school.

and when I consulted her just now,

she saw one that I did on the bus just now and says I can use it.

just like dat, I can finally move on to the next part of my assignment!

YAY!

God is great! :D

2008-11-02T22:14:00.003+08:00

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

Tonight you're mine completely
You give you love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

***

My very first oldie, I still like it very much.

I guess we're all incomplete in our love.
I myself definitely have much failings,
so how can I expect, so selfishly,
from others?

...

It's easier to run away from those things,
hiding myself in the Wings,
straining forwards.

The plans of those who do their best
only lead to having all they need.
Proverbs 21:5

Focus, yan.

Just a Post #3

2008-11-02T20:02:00.003+08:00

Wahhhh, saw the wedding photos in shun's photoblog.
thinking to myself: I also want to get married soooooon!! d:
*squirms*

That's just me not thinking so much but saying what I feel haha.
2 more years, fastfastfast please..

God, please mold me into someone true and full of love,
patient and understanding,
contented and Spirit-guided,
slow to judge and quick to praise.
someone You can be proud of, Lord.

I don't want to miss DS.... ):
*sigh*

spent the day with ada,
sharing, mugging, eating, crapping.
Hang out with godly people, yea! :D

I want us ALL to be happy, and growing,
loving and understanding. (:
Not on human strength.

and grace,
okay I'll share with you the nxt time I see you! (:

Thank you all for dropping by,
please leave a CONSTRUCTIVE msg sanks! d:

2008-10-28T23:01:00.003+08:00

I am very frightened, and uncomfortable.
But it's been so long and it did seem fine at one point.
By God's grace I have avoided what I should.
It may be that I am just overly-sensitive.
But it feels weird.
A voice inside is mouthing:
"Go away go away go away go away.."

Oh Lord, give me a discerning eye, heart and mind.

Ad's 21st Bday!

2008-10-28T15:08:00.004+08:00

Celebrated Ad's bday on 18th, I know it's very long ago,

been procrastinating posting up the photos

I got from Jose but here they are! (:

and now I got to go back to work

as I whittle my 3hrs break away.

*sleeeeepy*

thanks for droppng by! (:

This is our God

2008-10-21T16:53:00.006+08:00

was really moved by this song while on my way to school.

God is for you and me;

the rag and bone man on the streets,

who blares his horns on early Sunday mornings.

my next door neighbour,

who asks the same "going home already?" question everytime.

the bangladeshi workers everywhere,

who builds our schools and manages our garden city.

my grandma,

who is steadily sinking into Alzheimer,

and forgets who we are sometimes.

the player behind the Tauren that just ganked me,

and ganked me and ganked me.

my dad,

who prepares the best dishes in the world for us.

The young lady behind the counter,

when I grab my dinner at Mcdonald's.

The caring and good friend of mine,

who is reading my words right now.

God sent His Son to redeem everyone,

God is for you and me.

School's In!

2008-10-20T12:01:00.002+08:00

I'm in class now!

Firstly, thank God for friends again!!!

Sarah, Amanda, Ama and Jasmine, Veron are tgt with me for Corporate Identity!

Lord, I pray for your strength and creativity this tough tough block!

Thanks for all the encouragement and prayers EVERYONE!

*looks in mirror and says: You're not alone!* :D

Short & Random #1

2008-10-16T05:08:00.001+08:00

动心容
易痴心难

I like this phrase, well said!

My Yardstick

2008-10-12T11:58:00.003+08:00

God, I love You.
You have planted a core within me,
it's a part of You to me.
Any time You may claim me,
as You will, as You choose.
Jesus, as long as I live on this earth,
may You be my yardstick.

<33

2008-10-07T23:27:00.000+08:00

I'm updating!!

2008-10-07T22:12:00.003+08:00

And mama is too clever, omigosh!
Tues are server maintainence d:

Dat's me, in my nice scholarly robes from fatsu-chan and PURPLE gear!
It's just too nice dat my gears seem to turn out purple heees. (:

***

Mella: gimme ur blog to link! :D

shun: *gobbles mochi up*

phee: *plucks phee's eyebrows* kakakaka!

***

Just had the new kfc meal with my sis.
It's really fragrant but full of MSG. ):
But its nice and really spicy! :D

***

Friday 12nn City Hall Mrt,
we're gg to the Korean art exhibit at suntec!
weee can't wait! :D

***

anddddd...
there was this night I couldn't slp.
So, lying awake in bed,
a new song wriggled into my head!
I've been singing it for days,
I wonder if I've heard the tune sumwhere cus it seems like I know it very well o:
So....*shrugs* I duno hehe.

***

I want to take a stroll. (:

***

Went to watch House Bunny by myself just now! (dun squirm)
It's a totally, bimbotic show lol.
The nachos and cheese were awesome. d:

Keep Running The Faith Race.

2008-09-24T00:44:00.004+08:00

Read up on the end times.
Famines, Earthquakes, One-World Org, Russia rising up,
People going "here and there"
..aren't these all happening like, now??

Matthew 24:29
Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened,
and the moon shall not give her light,
and the stars shall fall from heaven,
and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken.

I still remember the dream very well,
the four of us: dru, ana, ada and me (dun ask why lol)
and the stars that came crashing down
in broad daylight.
Their intense heat scorching my back as I ran.

1Timothy 4:1-3
But the spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith,
paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons.
By means of the hypocrisy of liars
seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron,
men who forbid marriage and advocate abstaining from foods which
God has created to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the truth.

Let's not be the ones who fall!
Grab hold of God as He dishes out these tribulations. (:

Luke 21:32
I tell you the truth,
this generation will certainly not pass away
until all these things have happened.

Just a Post #2

2008-09-23T17:11:00.004+08:00

Dat's me.
huahaha! O:

***

Tmr is Jas' and my dad's bday.
For those of you who duno,
me and jas have an uncanny fate.
She has the same bday as my dad.
And I have the same bday as her dad.
X=
yessss, never fails to amaze us too.
I missssssss her soooooo much~~
*wails* )':

***

Playing WoW is fun!
Meeting different kinds of ppl
who are so generous and nice :D
And I always feel rich even though
I know I have the least gold.
知足常乐。
*waits for praise for using chinese idioms*
hehehehee.
Put your hope in eternal value

***

To:3nity
Please dun share wad I shared to you guys yest,
about the you-know-who.
*makes a dao face*
(lolol)

***

I see a change in her;
I know when she pokes at the subject,
It's amusing heheh.
When she beats about the bush,
not mentioning his name.
I know, I know, I know
d:

***

Addicted to:
voulez vousssssss (AHA!)
la question c'est voulez vousssss!

Just a Post #1

2008-09-17T17:16:00.004+08:00

On monday, me and ama went to swensen's for lunch.
Had a 3hr long "Advanced Holiday Celebration" lol,
It was so nice just relaxing and sharing our faith and lives.
Thank You Lord, for this godly sister full of child-like faith. (:
too bad lays din come *snickers* d:

avoiding-the-HDB-flats shot. hahaha
cool ama

Eureka! (note the light bulb)

***
Lord let Your glory fall
Fall, Fall, Fall
On me
On us
Fill this place Lord

I know You are molding me
You hear when I pray
You know where my heart is set on
My heart is Yours Lord

I may be diffident.
But I am Not afraid to give my praise.